Walking Companion

I went for a walk yesterday and was joined by a very delicate companion.  A beautiful butterfly fluttered alongside me for quit a long time.  I was so amazed.  I felt like I had a walking companion for a short while.  I started thinking about how much I miss when I am so busy rushing around.  If I hadn't decided to observe my surroundings I probably would not have noticed this delicate creature by my side.  How many of us go through life without noticing the small things that surround us?  It was a little humbling to think about the life cycle of this butterfly and wondering if it had the capacity to understand it is here for such a short time.  In the big picture we are all here for such a short time.  It isn't often I get all philosophical but when I do I really get into it.  I walked for an hour yesterday and couldn't help but reflect on my life.  My children were playing happily in the park while I mentally turned inwards to examine my life choices.  Isn't it so easy to point your finger at things to blame for the mistakes you have made, the choices you regret?  In the end the you realize that they were still the choices you made,  not someone else and not some outside influence.  I chose to be where I am today.  I love my husband, children, friends and family but regret a lot of the choices that came before them.  I think inwardly I am disgusted with myself.  That may be the whole issue with why I am so self destructive.  I know what I want, how to go about getting it but still I don't always do it.  How many of us do this?  I know I deserve better, I deserve to be happy so why don't I do what needs to be done to have it?  Something I need to think about some more.  So, in my next blog maybe I will have more!  LOL!